Worry. It consumes me at almost all times. I don’t want it to but I don’t know how to stop it either. The email had sat in my inbox for months. The email that I knew I needed to reply to and yet I never seemed to know what to say. Deciding to take a break from something you love is hard enough but running the risk of simultaneously disappointing people you care about can take you to the breaking point.
I worry about a lot of things: work, my relationship, my friends and family. I keep a busy life to help me with this worry. The way I see it, if I don’t have time to worry, then I won’t. Writing has helped immensely; not only keeping me busy but allowing me to vent this worry to the world. A main outlet has also been dance. Dance has brought some stress, but little worry, to my life. The happiness it gives me more than makes up for any stressful nights and I had suddenly decided to take a break from it. Was I crazy?
The worry I felt every time I opened my inbox was becoming tiresome. I had known people to take breaks from dance but had never returned. That wasn’t me. I know I’ll return in the Fall. I have to return in order to keep my sanity. The problem here was my worry that they wouldn’t understand; that they would be disappointed or feel a lack of commitment that I couldn’t make it the whole year. I didn’t want to come back in the Fall wondering if they thought I was the slacker that I felt I was. Seem irrational? Perhaps. How was I to know? I’m a worrier.
These people are not just fellow dancers to me. They are my friends and my family; a new family that I have created over the past two years. You never want to disappoint your family. It is one of my biggest fears. So I sat on the email for months, drafting, deleting, re-drafting, etc. It never came out right. Then, it happened.
I don’t know how and I don’t why. I stopped worrying. I like to think that maybe Bobby McFerrin came to me in a dream and sang me a little diddy. Maybe it was my writing. Whatever it was, I knew I had to stop. I found a great quote today that stated, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles; it empties today of its strength” (Corrie ten Boom). I stopped worrying for ten minutes to write the email I had been attempting to draft for months and finally hit send.
Some things in life deserve worry but it shouldn’t consume your being like it has with me. A lot of worry only happens because you care. I cared about these people so much and I couldn’t bear the thought of being any sort of disappointment to them. The funny thing is, when it comes to people who care about each other, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
Don’t worry … Be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry … Be happy