I should be in nothing but utter heaven right now. I’m spending a week in the beautiful Sammamish, Washington with my mom, my sister, my two nieces and my brother-in-law. I haven’t seen my nieces in over a year; my brother-in-law in over three. It is amazing, yet depressing, how time can fly by.
I should be nothing but happy. I am to a point, but I am also sad. The changes in my nieces are drastic and startling. How can they change so much in such a short period of time? They have gone from barely speaking, shy little girls to bursting balls of energy who never stop talking and always want to play. It amazes me how much their individual personalities are shining through, each one unique and wonderful in its own way.
I’ve had this same feeling before. It hasn’t been on any of my birthdays, friend’s weddings or the births of my friend’s children. Those never seem to bother me. They never seem to make me think of my age. It was when my little cousin got his driver’s license. That was a devastating moment. I had held him when he was born and babysat him and his brother when they were toddlers. How was he driving already? The next thing I knew, he’d be going off to college and getting drunk and married (hopefully not at the same time).
I’m excited to see these changes. I can relate a lot more to a toddler rather than a blob that just lies on the couch and sleeps (can you tell I don’t have children?). But seeing them grow up so fast is solely a constant reminder of how quickly life can pass us by. Hell, 2013 is already a third of the way over and yet I remember popping bottles on New Year’s Eve as if it were yesterday. Days keep passing me by and I feel as if I have nothing to show for them. I want to start appreciating my days more. I don’t want to waste any either. I have spent too many days wasting away on the couch on a beautiful day. Too many times have I canceled plans just for being tired when I could easily have bucked up to face the day.
I want to spend more time with my family and friends, the people who I care about the most, the ones who matter. I have let years pass before seeing someone I care about. While I don’t want this to happen again, I know that I won’t always keep this promise. I know that there will easily be times where years will pass before seeing someone I love. There is always something hiding in the wings, waiting to get in the way of your life, whether it be work, work, or more work. I love my job but I need to stop worrying about taking time off and just do it. My job will always be there when I get back.
I don’t want to miss out on milestones and I shouldn’t have to. Otherwise, before I know it, it will be my nieces getting driver’s licenses and you can find me in the looney bin.