It’s Official: I Hate Everyone

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t meant to be a person.  My soul is trapped inside of a species that is constantly surrounded by idiots.  Why wasn’t I born a dog?  Or a dolphin?  Yeah.  A dolphin would have been nice.

Le sigh.  I shall never be a dolphin.  I am doomed to live out my life in this meat sack surrounded by people that I am required to smile and be polite to even though I would rather give them a high five to the face … with a chair.

It hasn’t always been this way.  I actually used to like people.  I may have even enjoyed their company at one point in time.  As I recall, the change began to occur when I entered the 9 to 5 world.  The hate was first directed towards the defendants in my firm’s cases who felt the need to curse me out before asking me to help them.  I rarely helped them.  It seemed to surprise them that being called a fucktard did not motivate me into being charitable.  I guess I’m unusual in that way.  The hatred soon migrated to our clients whose greedy, money-grubbing hands were more than I could handle.

I got out of that firm as quickly as I could but it was too late.  The hatred had diabolically spread to include all of the people in the world, blackening my heart into an unrecognizable lump of coal.

I wish I could say it got better; that the elusive goodness in people that I have occasionally heard about found its way to me and banished the hatred from my heart.  Unfortunately, it only got worse.

Facebook used to be an awesome social media outlet.  It connected me to people that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in years.  I got to watch as all my ‘friends’ made their way through college and into the real world.  I saw them get married and start families, growing into the adults that we had always wished we were throughout childhood.  Unfortunately, with adulthood came the darkness that fuels the hatred inside me.  It swept in, filling my ‘friends’ with the confidence to post whatever they wanted, whether it be rude, bullysome, or downright racist.

I have distanced myself from Facebook and the people of this world every time my hatred of everyone inflames just the tiniest bit.  I try to surround myself with the people who have not had the darkness take over their soul.  There are so few of them left that they are difficult to find.

Unfortunately, I have come to a point where I just truly hate everyone.  I cannot trust most people.  I cannot be friends with most people.  I cannot even semi-like most people.  Why?

Because I hate everyone.

At least I don’t discriminate!    ———————————-



(sorry for yelling – I just get so excited!)

52 thoughts on “It’s Official: I Hate Everyone

  1. I laughed so hard when I read this post that I think the people walking by the office are thinking “she has seriously lost it”……..While reading this, I saw myself and then I remembered a statement that my daughter said to me recently… ” Mom how do you like living in a small town when you HATE people” ….”Ann, I don’t HATE people ….well not ALL people….I just don’t have time for stupid”

    Thanks for the laugh

    1. That is my motto at work (“I just don’t have time for stupid”). I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I just ignore stupid people who ask stupid questions. I’ll just stare blankly until they walk away confused. It works about 65% of the time!

      1. That’s a great strategy. I enjoyed your post, and I feel your pain. It’s difficult to be a genius surrounded by idiots. (Not that I would know….) Before your heart ossifies, take a vacation, if you can 🙂

      2. Haha! I would not call myself a genius but the questions I get asked all day could make anyone feel like one!

  2. Oh my goodness, there is so much stupid going around in this world I don’t know how some people bare it! Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to also be stupid. People suck. I’ve always said that I hate people as a whole collective group, but individuals tend to be fine. Mostly. My dad is a lawyer and he always tells us how much people suck! I like the idea of high fiving someone in the face with a chair. It’s a good idea.

    1. Haha I sometimes wonder if I could dumb myself down a little bit, maybe it could be better. Today was brutal!

  3. I can’t wait until I’m at that age when I can yell at people to their face in very public places and they just let it happen because you can’t yell back at old people!

  4. Such a funny post! I’m generally an optimistic person, but some days I’m right there with you–life would be so much easier if we were all dolphins =)

  5. I read your post yesterday in my email and I thought, yep.
    I work with the public and Joe Q. Public is not always lovely. It would suck the positive right out of Mother Teresa.
    It’s soul sucking to eat the negative energy other folks feel obliged to distribute.
    Here’s to not letting the bastards win!

    1. Haha thanks! Yesterday was pretty rough so I’m trying to be more positive today! It’s sort of working…

  6. During a course on logic, one of my college philosophy professors told the class that if a person refuses to listen to reason, the only recourse was to punch them in the face.

  7. This amused me so, right from the very beginning! I went to LeMoyne College…home of the DOLPHINS! A few years ago they sent us alumnae notecards that said “For awhile I lived like a dolphin”…I don’t quite recall having that fabulous feeling. Sorry that you are not a dolphin either.

    1. Thank you very much. It really is a sad thing that we have to live like this while dolphins swim around and be wonderful. Not fair!


  8. Just perfect. Me and my dog recently founded a club where we think about shitting on people’s lawns who fail to pick up their dog’s poop — I hate them so violently I’m afraid I might actually do it sometime. Very entertaining read, fellow hater.

    1. I would LOVE to start doing that .. I may or may not have smeared a neighbor’s door with their own dog’s poop. They let it poop on the sidewalk right in front of my front door. It was totally warranted. Just in case you’re looking for alternatives 🙂

  9. Another great post — maybe because I’m biased? I recently quit my second job at a liquor store because I was starting to glare at people before they even walked up and asked a stupid question. Now my Saturday nights are spend rescuing animals. There are still people there, but I’m a volunteer so nobody can fire me for being rude back.

    1. Haha! I am lucky that I don’t have to deal with a lot of people face to face at my work (just over the phone) so I can always pretend to slam the phone down or fake a bad connection and just hang up.

  10. What?? You didn’t want to help people who were horrible to you? What kind of person *are* you?!

    Oh wait. The normal kind. They’re the idiots. Why do people do that? It seems like there are more jerks these days…or people have just lost their filters.

    1. I found it kind of hilarious! Before I could even say ‘Hello’, they’d be screaming in my ear and cursing me out. After that, they would then ask what I could do for them. It amazed me!

      My answer: I can take all your money & suspend your driver’s license 🙂

      They usually didn’t appreciate that too much!

  11. Yuck, of course you hate those awful clients! It’s people like them that made me stay as far away from litigation and corporate work as I possibly could when I graduated from law school.

    1. It’s quite possible that the only reason I write these silly posts is to look for the best pictures out there on the interwebs … my search history must look insane!

  12. It does seem to become more and more difficult to find the good in people as we grow older. I haven’t quite gotten to the same point where you are at, but I can relate! Also, I loved your photo too. 🙂

    1. Haha thanks! I’m usually not so negative (or at least I TRY not to be so negative) but Monday was a rough day … as they tend to be 🙂

  13. I so want to be a dog. Someone’s well-loved, spoiled pet.

    Not really, Mostly because I like being able to type and if you are a canine, there is no typing.

    Not all people suck. There are many, though, who suck beyond suck. I hate those suckers.

    1. I have found a few non-suckers who I cling on to for dear life! There is hope that we can all find a few non-suckers to get through life.


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