I look at myself and I can’t decide if I’m a success or a failure.
From the outside looking in, most people would probably think my life has been a success thus far. I have a good job, an amazing family and a man who loves me. I’m a dancer in a popular company. I have a close group of friends who are nice, supportive and fun to be around.
Quite a life, right?
When I look at my life, I see all these things and know that I am a happy person and am content with my life. Sometimes, though, I think of all the things I had thought of doing but never did.
I went to college as a biology major with the intent of going to medical school. It didn’t happen.
I then became a political science major with the hopes of going to law school after graduation. It didn’t happen.
I haven’t traveled. I’ve never lived outside of South Carolina. I’m not married. I have no children.
I stare at the GMAT preparation book that has sat unopened on my kitchen table for four months. I know it won’t be opened today or the next day.
While some of the above may not be considered failures, they are still ideas that I had thought would happen by this point in my life. I can give no reason why the majority of them haven’t happened. Perhaps I thought Biology was too hard? I don’t make enough money to travel enough? I love Charleston so why would I move?
They seem like good excuses, don’t they? But that is all they are. Excuses. I’m full of them.
I try to say I wasn’t meant to be a doctor. The hours are terrible. I like to think that I remembered my Dad not being home enough before he retired and that is why I changed my path. I didn’t make it to law school but ended up in the same field. While being a paralegal is a fine job and I do enjoy it, I really didn’t expect to be someone’s workhorse for the rest of my working life. And while I may be ready for marriage, I’m certainly not ready for kids.
I have a fine life so why am I so restless?
Perhaps it is just a phase. Perhaps I need a change. Do I go back to school? Do we move? Is that what I need or am I just looking for a way to tide me over until the restlessness returns? How do I even know where I am supposed to be?
Are you happy but restless? Do you think you need a change?
Do you think it would even help?
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Arden Ruth 
You’re a success in my eyes! You’re still young – you still have time to do whatever you want in life. It’s half full.
🙂 Thanks dear — Wait. Does this response have anything to do with the fact that I brought you a Frappachino this morning?
You think it’s piss, don’t you?
You were already amazing before you bought be Starbucks. Now you’re just amazing-ER.
Ah, the eternal dilemma. I’m going through it too, but trying to change things and make them happen. My husband keeps telling me “you’re not in your twenties anymore!” which is code for “it’s time to grow up,” but the truth is, I grew up to quickly, and now I want to have some fun. So maybe I’m the wrong person to ask…;) In any case, good luck with the restlessness – I think as more time passes, the more you’ll know.
I hope so. I definitely go through phases. I get restless. I make a change. Things are great. I get restless again. Repeat. I’m thinking I haven’t made a big enough change yet but I really just have no idea! What a conundrum!
I think everyone feels this way, to some extent. Even though I am happy with my life, I sometimes think about choices I made in the past and what could have been. But I do firmly subscribe to the cliché of everything happens for a reason, so I think we are all where we are supposed to be.
I definitely like where I am. I tried not to give the impression that I’m unhappy. I just feel that in certain aspects of my life, I should be doing ‘more’, whatever that may be.
🙂 Thanks for reading!
I think we all have this to some extent. I hope you can tame your restlessness in whatever way makes you happiest!
Thanks so much! I hope so too.
I think this is something everyone feels from time to time, at least I know I do!
That’s what everyone is saying, and to be honest, it’s making me feel better 🙂
I think you’re on the same path most of us take. At one time or another I wanted to be an engineer, a lawyer, an economist, or a teacher. In between not doing any of those things I squeezed in a 30 year career as a naval officer.
Hah! I’m definitely in the right field. I just can’t decide if I’m okay with being a paralegal for the next 25 years. That’s kind of terrifying.
I agree that we probably spend a good chunk of life in this state. It keeps you moving forward maybe not in the direction you expect but still moving.
I like that. I hadn’t thought of it that way 🙂
Thanks for reading!
I think it’s part of human nature to be restless sometimes. That’s what brings us to the next new thing.
I agree. I just can’t decided what my next new thing should be!
Arden, you said all you needed to say at the very beginning, you are happy and content. That’s what matters. Would it be nice to have done all of the other things you thought you would do? Sure, but if you’re happy with what you have then why try to fix what’s not broken?
As much as I loathe the expression because of how popular it has become…YOLO. You really do only live once. If you’re happy now why embark on a journey which may not reward you with the happiness you have now? Even though you’re a workhorse someone else, you like your job. And you have a job dancing, which you love. If you went back to school you’d probably have to give up dancing. If you move, what guarantee do you have that you’ll find jobs which are as rewarding as those you already have.
I think I’ve rambled enough here, so I’ll finish with this….The grass ain’t always greener on the other side.
I agree with everything you say and I am happy but there is always this voice in the back of my head. What if I would be happier with the change? What if I miss out on that happiness?
Or what if you try one of those things and you’re miserable?
Never know until you try 🙂 Nothing has to be permanent…
Well, as seldom as I’ve been happy in my life if I ever get to a place where I am happy I’m going to stay there.
I get restless often, so I set fun goals and do things to stave it off, but it’s not always what the watching world thinks of as a next step or success or anything else. Do you still want to do those things? Then do them? If not, find some new things that you want to do and do them. Also? LOVE Charleston. I wouldn’t leave either. And digging the new blog design. 🙂
Charleston would be tough to leave 🙂 I just need to make a decision which is the hardest thing for me to do.
when you do something long enough, even when you’re happily doing it, you wonder, would i be happier doing something else. maybe. maybe not. in my experience, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. but don’t use that as an excuse if you’re not happy.
I just always seem to wonder if I’m missing out on something that will make me even happier. I’m one for trying new things and if it doesn’t work out, I can usually revert back to whatever I was doing… Once I learn how to actually make a decision, I think I’ll be okay 🙂
I’m 42 and I can honestly say I’m not satisfied with where my life is at. So I keep tweaking and hoping eventually I’ll find my groove.
I feel I’ll always be a little restless. Most of us probably are. I haven’t had a ‘tweak’ in awhile so I think that is why I’m thinking about it more than usual. We’ll see what happens…
I’m in a reinventing phase, though it was forced upon me by a spouse in midlife crises. Restless is fine, upending the life of your family is not, LOL! I believe ghat any thinking person is innately restless because our imaginations are always engaged. We might get it figured out or we might not. But we never stop figuring.
Haha I’ll try to remember that! I’ll always be restless but I feel it may be time to actually do something about it. Now, I just have to figure out what that is!
My glass has always been full..y bitter. So at least I don’t go half way. Honestly, you will still yourself restless at 40 than you are in your 20’s. There is always something you will want to be that you haven’t done yet.
Hah! I know I’ll always be restless but maybe I can make myself less restless and happier! I’m always down for more happy.
Nah, I would stick with restless. It makes for more bitter.
I have gone through years of illness and the one thing illness has taught me more than anything is not to think too far into the future and instead try to make every day a good one. I fail at this every day, it seems. It’s hard not to obsess about the future. But my illness derailed my life plans more times than I can count. So I’m trying to shut up and stop planning and do what I can do to make my life better on each day.
I hope this doesn’t sound like a lecture. I just SO know what you are feeling right now… and yes, you do sound like a success to me 🙂
Awww thanks … I hope you’ve been able to overcome your illness, whatever it may be. It didn’t sound like a lecture 🙂 I try to live every day and be happy where I am. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t.
I’m with George Carlin who said “Some people consider a glass as half empty or half full…I look at it as too big.”